Tears

I can't help but cry this morning, as I lay here, alone and in pain.  The pain has been excruciating and I cannot seem to get in front of it.  My doctors this weekend didn't care.  Literally, he said he didn't care, he wasn't going to change anything to help me out.  My nurses have been better this time, but the pain is worse and I have been far more emotional.  The construction behind my room drowns out the sound of my crying, and it makes me want out of here even more.  I miss my family.  I miss Paul.  I actually just miss receiving a hug from someone.  A personal touch of love and compassion.  I am nervous to go home, and am not sure when this will happen.  There are days, that I just wish that I could turn back time and go to the moments that were way happier for me.  But then I realize that by doing that I wouldn't have Dylan and Lily in my life.  I am mostly crying this morning because I miss them, and wonder if they are missing me too.  I cry because the pain is taking over.  I someday hope to look back at this moment and not even remember what this felt like.