Pain

I cannot just go on pretending that my pain is not terrible.  Truth be told, because of the other night, my pain is so much worse.  My fever was so high, and I was having hallucinations.  I was talking to the nurses about dogs, grandchildren, and then talking with one of them as is she was my Aunt Kim.  I could see worry in their faces.  When I woke up in the morning I was totally fatigued, and I couldn't remember most of the evening.  The nurses filled me in.  I know that adult fevers are quite severe and need to be monitored.  I am so physically exhausted.  Walking to the bathroom, probably seems easy to most people but it is so difficult.  And my legs are really weak.  I haven't said it out loud, but they almost feel limp.  I really want to come home, but know that when I get home things will change.  I will change.  I am stubborn when it comes to my recovery, so I will try and push myself to get more accomplished.  I am just so tired of dealing with this pain.  How am I supposed to feel?  I cannot express to the nurses enough how completely tired I am, yet none of them get it.  I believe they will push me out of here tomorrow.  So many things that I need to get done first: shower, walk the bedroom, walk the hallway, practice in and out of bath chair, and then doing flights of stairs.  That means they are cramming so much into such a little period of time.  Oh Lord, I cry out to you for help.  I cry to You for strength, because in my weakness you are my strength.  Please Lord, take my pain.