Last night...

So last night is one of those nights that my pain totally consumes me.  It had been a long day, and no matter what I do to focus on other things or do, I can feel the pain deep down.  I usually get pretty quiet, I don't try to talk about it.  Truth be told, I know that some think they are "tired" from all of this, and they probably are, but lucky for them they don't have to live in this body.  So I get home, and my body is just a mess.  I keep a smile on for the kids, get them in bed, and collapse on the couch.  My legs are tingling, my left foot was totally numb, I had burning coming from both sides of my SI joint, my pacemaker was racing which causes a feeling I can only describe as touching an electric fence, but the back pain was the worst.  I am not sure how to describe it, but it felt like there was a tool digging into my skin, twisting itself around and making it almost impossible to walk.  I could hardly move and the pain started to radiate up my back and into my neck.  I was done.  Time for bed, because I wasn't sure how much longer I could go on sitting in the living room.  I went to lay down.  The pain increased and I could not move my body.  My back was so bad that I could not lift it up to shift positions, not that it would have helped.  It is so hard for me to escape the pain sometimes.  To pretend as if it doesn't exist and do the daily stuff that needs to get done.  As I was laying there, I realized that my pillow was soaked.  I hadn't even noticed that I was crying.  Sobbing actually.  It was just so painful to lay there, but I knew I had to wait it out.  I laid there last night pleading to God to take the pain away, or just let me fall asleep so I didn't have to feel anymore (well at least until I have to rotate during the night).  I cried myself to sleep as the pain became too much, and just kept praying.  Last night was one of those times that the pain consumes me.  (This isn't the first time it has happened)