Saturday, December 10, 2011
End of Life Decision Making
Today has been a busy day of getting things done in preparation for surgery on Wednesday. The thing is I wasn't thinking about my surgery, but more so, just doing things and playing with the kids. That is until I got the mail. Oh man, my health care directive form. For the past 8 procedures, they have asked me for my health care directive, and I have always told them I don't have one. They have told me that I should look over the application and think about it. Well the truth is, I have thought about it. Before every procedure, Paul and I hold each other while we cry, and discuss all the scenarios. All of my wishes. And the hard part but the arrangements if I were to die. These are hard things for a person to think about. I am not in fear of dying, for I know that Heaven is a far better place than here. I am, however, worried about the kids and Paul. I hate the idea of them not having me. It makes me sad. Paul and I have discussed what I want at the hospital, but now the time comes for me to decide whether or not I fill out the app and make it real. Paul has expressed it would be difficult for him to follow through if the time would come, but I know he would do it. So my thought is that I would love to relieve him from the burden of the decisions, but it is hard to fill it out. By filling it out, it almost feels like that will be what happens. So do I, or don't I? That is my question?
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Ryan and I both did ours together and although it wasn't the best time, I'm really glad we did. We have a good understanding of each other that would make those hard decisions as easy as they could be should the situation arise. <3
ReplyDeleteMy best friend in middle school (Julie) was probably one of the biggest influences on me ever. We used to get into trouble together (nothing big, just minor 13-year-olds-with-strict-parents-trouble). Anyway, whenever we knew that there would be potential negative results from a decision we'd make, we would go through all of the possible bad consequences. We did this because we honestly believed that anything we expected - would not happen, because it never did. So, if we expected every possible bad scenario, in our minds, nothing bad could happen to us, or at least definitely nothing as bad as we had imagined.
ReplyDeleteI still think that way.
I don't know if that will help at all, but that's what I would do in this type of situation : )
Regardless, just continue remembering that when you are 'weak' you are actually strong. There is a huge family of Christians backing you up with prayer after prayer for all the pain and hard decisions you have to be making at this point in your life.
We love you!