Fear is transpiring from me, as I am trying to figure out life "after" Kim. Once she leaves everything will dramatically change. And I am scared. I have prayed, and I am trying so, so hard to Trust the Lord to help whisper guidance into my ear. But the waiting for the answer is what gets hard sometimes. I know that even if I don't feel like I am hearing an answer, I need to get one. NOW. My aunt leaves in just a couple days, in fact, she wanted to leave tomorrow. I didn't want her to leave. I don't want her to leave. She has to. I can tell she is worn and ready to go. It takes a lot to uproot your life and take care of young kids, an entire house and a woman who has now had two surgeries. She has been here 3 weeks. There are no words, to begin, to describe how much I have appreciated her, or how much I love her. She is the kindest of women, and truly an angel of God walking on earth.
But because of this, I am scared. Having a woman of that kind, leave, makes me terribly sad and scared. I don't want to be, but I am. I am not sure how my husband will respond. It will feel like a lot to him. After all, he has never done any of the responsibilities that I have done. And then who will take care of me? Or can I just take care of myself? Some believe to ship me off to rehab would be best. Maybe it would. But then I talk to some others, who believe that if I was to go there I would become depressed and miserable. I wouldn't see my kids very much, because I know it would be too much for my husband to get off work, pick them up from daycare, go through the papers that need to be gone through, eat supper and then realistically put the kids to bed. I am in tears. What do I do?
Where does life go from here? I am miserable. I lay here in fear. The soft, silent tears drowning inside my soul. Dear Lord, Please whisper to me what to do next. Please Lord, let your will be done, but if it is, take this pain from me. Lord, hold my hand into this next chapter. Stop the inside from crying. Amen.
Marisa, you are so strong. God must be so proud of you. Considering all of the pain that you've gone through - how incredibly devoted you are still to Him. So many people would have despaired long ago. You are incredible. God loves you so much, and if nothing else, He will take care of you through this scary time. He will always take care of you. I know you know that, and I'm so happy that you do : ) I'll keep praying that your recovery is swift and painless.
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