The Days are getting long...

My days here are long.  I lay here unable to do anything, and all I want to do is get up and walk.  I am so frustrated.  I cry often, but I am not depressed.  I cry because I can't do anything.  I cry because I miss Paul so much, and miss the way we used to be.  Nothing will be the same.  I cry because the pain is so bad.  The nurses do not know how to take care of my leg properly.  I am not sure how many times I have explained this to each one of them, but they still don't get it.  My most recent, grabbed my calf very tight, and then just through it down.  I still have my back to consider.  The pain there has been increasing as well, and pretty sure that is from not the proper log rolls.  It all just is so painful.  The part that rips my heart is how much I miss my kids.  I miss everything.  I even miss them waking me up in the morning, by jumping on me and giving me hugs.  I want them here with me.  I have not been there favorite person for a long time now.  And even though I can't wait for 5 minutes with them, those 5 minutes are almost worse, because they are gone way too fast.  A blink of my eye, and they are gone.  And my heart rips open.  Since I left, my son has told me he is mad at me for leaving him.  Those words are like daggers, and they are being twisted in my heart.  I know that a 5 year old can't possibly comprehend what is going on, but the words hurt the same.  He loves me, I know this.  I am his mom.  It is just that the days are getting so long in here...