No Pain, No Gain

I am not sure if this is true...well the pain part is.  Tonight I decided to push myself; and biked:

20 mins = 5.5 miles

The pain was so much.  The moment my right foot hit the pedal, it was the same spiked nerve pain in my foot and leg that I experienced the day after my surgery.  So much pain.  Nothing I can do to stop it or control it.  Every day the same.  And not just my leg.  My pacemaker was burning, and it made it so hard to breathe.  I was gasping for air.  Holding my heart/pacemaker as hard as my hands could to slow down the heart rate and the burning.  I was determined.  I just wanted to prove that I could do it.  I needed to feel like I could do something.  My back pain was out of control, and yet at the same time it was screaming at me to push further.  To strengthen myself so it could support me with less pain.  That is what I want.  So, the entire time I biked, the pain was almost unbearable.  Yet, I kept saying I can do one more minute.  I just need to do one more minute.  And so I did.  For 20 mins.  Some may not think much of this, but for me this is my first step.  I have the same pain laying down.  Why not try to see if I cause more pain, I will gain something?  I am trapped now of course.  My leg totally unable wanting to move...every part of me aches.  But it masks the ache that my heart feels.  That my body feels.  Tonight I have a different pain.  A pain that is at the same time, pleasure.  I know that I did it.  I know that my back needs this.  So I will lay in pain tonight, as my leg is throbbing and my heart is burning.  It was worth it.

Will I gain anything from tonight?  I am not sure.  The pain was there, and I suppose I gained the confidence in knowing that I did it.  And that I will try again.  The pain will not go away, but I can try to help it.  I will push myself further.

Pain = Gain

The Lord will guide my steps.