Moments

There are moments...fleeting moments that pass by too quickly.  I feel like just maybe I might not have pain, or that I can feel better and get up.  But that all too quickly passes by as soon as I move.  Then I remember how much medicine I have to take in order to feel the best way I do.  I wish there were more moments.  I wish I was better, that I could make everyone happy and say "yes I can move".  I want to move so badly.  I am not sure what to do anymore.  I am struggling with everything.  My faith and hope are keeping me afloat, but that doesn't keep me from crying everyday.
My family feels so far away, and they are in the same house as me.  Before they seemed so far and they were.  Now they are in the same home and they feel even further.  Things are said, or kids are crying, and I am helpless to it.  All of it.  Those moments hurt deep.  Even after all of this is better, the hurt and pain will be there for a long time.  How long until we recover from this as a family?  Too much said, too much done that cannot be undone.  The pain and sadness lingers in this house.  This is not a fun house to be in.  Too much sadness, anger and hurt.
Now, I need to clarify.  Even though I may be drowning in my sadness and sorrow, I am always grateful to the Lord for what He has given me.  And only what HE can do for me.  He keeps me moving one step forward at a time.  And I have so much thanks in my heart for all that people have done and are doing for my family.  It has been amazing, and makes me cry in gratefulness and happiness.  So even though there is the every day sadness of being stuck in this broken body that I seem to not escape; there is a happiness that exists for my children and for the kind people that have helped me.  There is happiness for those that I love, and am so happy for things that are going right for them.  Those that have new little ones on the way, or the ones that just had little ones.  I am excited to meet all of them of course; so yes there is happiness.  I am happy for my friends, and thankful for those who have helped my family.  And my precious little children give me so many moments of joy.

Moments...